Fixing others

One of the ongoing lessons for me in 2013 is that you cannot fix others and things around you. I like to fix things, provide advice and push people but that isn't always effective. I am in a helping profession that often requires me to do such things and sometimes I carry that over to my personal life.

Perhaps the largest, most agonizing battle I have fought all year. You see I want to fix a particular situation and I have even thought:

• If I lay down the foundation
• If I take away some of the hard work
• If I follow up
• If I spend 30 -40 minutes finding the solution

that maybe I can fix it.

Well, when I do all that I only frustrate both parties. I am also the type that when my solutions don't fix a problem, I walk away. I know that walking away is wrong but sometimes its to avoid saying things that should not be said.

I understand that this is my problem the need to fix someone or something that is out my control and realm of responsibility. In regards to this someone once told me that you can't drive a coal train with the caboose in front that there has to be a proper order to things. In the case of the train you need an engine, coal car and then the caboose. Any other way is ineffective, so just like the train me trying to push the caboose is just not going to work.

And then, I went to church and listened to a wonderful speaker. It's true we are all messed up people and no one is perfect. And something he said really resonated with me, if I am trying to fix someone it's more about me than them. That is so true, me trying to fix a situation, a person is more about me wanting that person to experience, to do the exact same things as me. From that standpoint it's selfish.

So in 2014, I have resolved not to try to fix this situation. I will avoid giving unwanted advice, shouldering any large part of the "work" and pray.  I think that will make the situation a lot bet.

Doing what you say you're going to do

I think by far my biggest challenge in my personal life is doing what I say and following up!

I am a woman of many ideas, thoughts and goals but unfortunately I never convert a vast majority. I don't know whether it's time management, laziness or lack of accountability. On the eve of my 30th trip around  the Sun, I have got to change!

So how can I fix this issue:

1. Handle the small tasks immediately. If it takes 5 mins or less do it now.

2. Build a specific time or schedule to get things done. With a toddler this maybe tough bc she loves to keep me on my toes. 

 3. Use technology to get things done. I have a calendar, email reminders and to do list and need to use effectively. 

4. Set realistic goals! I should not say yes to everything or try to do all this at once !
5. I read about an idea dump (a notebook ) for all the ideas you want to work on but don't have time. I plan to keep that handy and shelf good ideas later. 

At the end of day, it's hard to complete goals, tasks and chores with an incredibly active 14 mos old. Nonetheless my goal (here we go again) is each day work towards reaching my goals. I hope you do to...

Here is to a productive 2014!!

Maybe you are more Creative than you think! DIY Halloween Costume!

As a kid, art kept me off the honor roll! Yeah, I sucked and since then I have shunned all creative things, that is until I met my artist husband. He has always encouraged me to push myself and be creative!

Flash forward to present day and who would have thought I would be making my daughter's tutu!

That's right, I made my baby's complete halloween costume. It was quite easy!

So this costume cost under 15 bucks. I purchased the shirt and sewed on a Bumble Bee patch and ironed on a patch in the back. For the tutu, I used black and neon yellow tulle. I was able to score the headband antenna and voila.

What this taught me is not how artsy you think you are but with a bit of patience you can accomplish it. I must say that making her costume brought me a sense of pride. I already have her santa outfit planned.

Until next time...

What I am thankful for...this week

Well I know that its been about 3 mos since I last wrote. Much has to do with putting a lot of hours at work and a lot of hours at home.

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, here are three things I am thankful and grateful for.

1. My baby is 1: I am so thankful that we cross the one year threshold. It was a long year filled with beautiful and very stressful moments. Every time, I look at my baby I remember there was a time when she couldn't lift her head up off the ground and now she is getting into everything. It's truly a joy to see my healthy, curious one year old running all over the place.

2. Bible Study: So I will make no qualms, I have been trying to get my path more in line with God. I try to attend church regularly and read bible plans. However, what I am most thankful for is finding this Women's Bible Study. It's on Thursday night and I always make an excuse each week, like I am too tired etc.  Yesterday, my husband said when I was making an excuse about being late and coming next week, he told me if you do that again you will never go. It was an awesome experience that allowed me to get a dose of the word during the week and meet new people. I cannot wait to go next week!

3. My Husband: In addition, to my baby girl's birthday, we also celebrated 3 years of marriage. I am so thankful for him, not to sound cheesy, but he makes up for where I lack. He encourages and believes in me more than I do in myself. I really feel that since being married he has helped me a better person. In return, we had some changes where he has left full time work and pursuing the business, so now I get to encourage and believe in him for a change.

I wanted to write this post because sometimes, I focus too much on the negatives and not on the positives. I am thankful for so much more but this morning this is what I am most thankful for.

Until next time..

The Balancing Act....

I haven't written in a while and I have been in the throws of work, home, and the business. Some days balancing all of these items are more difficult and discouraging. Other days I feel like I have it all under control. Nonetheless its really hard to find time to write as much as I would like to. 

So like I said balancing act makes rethink everything including my time management. After spending much of my time thinking about my "time", I realized that I am highly inefficient:

• I don't prepare my clothes the night before
• I didn't prepare bottles the night before
• I could not find one item per day on way to work i.e car keys, ID badge etc
• I wake up and peruse the internet for at least 15 mins
• I hit snooze three times at least
• I daydream

All these things were resulting in me doing a mad dash for the door on the way to work and then only getting more chaotic from there. So I had to take a step back and do the upset of what I was doing and it doesn't work everyday. I have read some great time management tips and decided what if I could do the opposite of what I did. So two weeks in and here is what I do

• Wake up 15 minutes earlier each week, my target time is to wake up at 5:45 a.m. to give me more time in the morning to workout  and eat breakfast etc.
• Write the day care check and make labels the night before.
• Make a family calendar and use a task list.
• Reevaluate my performance each week.

Its a work in progress, but I am trying to control the balance. How do you stay organized? What are your best time management tips?

Income divided by two

Here we go again.

Anyone who works in Corporate America or for someone else knows the constant fear of being let go. Well my household as experienced this for the second time in 9 mos. This has made me the primary breadwinner for a family of three. We did all the right things as we had an initial warning of this but have had to make some changes.

I am fortunate my salary can cover expenses with some "breathing" room, that my job is in career services/recruiting and we live frugally. There will be no major lifestyle changes but nonetheless all variable costs and excessive spending will be cut. Here are some changes :

• Packing Lunch, Coffee and Snacks- I am notorious for eating out, drive thru but know that I need to cut back and save that money for when we have team lunches.
• Limiting Driving
• Cutting back on entertainment expenses 
• Using groupon/livingsocial to have some "planned fun"
• Meal Planning

What I learned is that it can be tough but knowing that better opportunities are out there will get you through tough times. Also enjoy spending time with family and using this time to do free activities like parks, beaches and exercising.

Do you have any frugal ideas to help during this transition?

I'mma (wannabe) side hustla'

Sometimes I feel like there is more to life than the 9-5. Once, I had my daughter I became even more conscientious of living frugal, earning money and investing. It's to the point that I am constantly pulling out my calculator and thinking about how I can earn more pennies. I know where I want to be by 30 but coming up and following the plan is the problem.

Therefore, I need to pursue a side hustle or multiple side hustle. For those not familiar with side hustle to it means earning income from something other than your main job. To see some real life side hustlers check out  http://www.blackenterprise.com/tag/side-hustle/. I have been thinking about ideas that can bring my side hustle into fruition.

The first step is now that I have a tangible idea is to get organized. I will need to create a list of things that I need to do, such as website, plan of how to run the business, time management for client turnaround, certification etc. All while working my full time job (40-50 hours), caring for my infant daughter and trying to enjoy some of life. I know that its a sacrifice and will all be worth it. 

I have been studying what successful people do each day. So in the words of my husband, I am prepared to shut myself in, give up reality TV and dedicate those hours to my craft. I know that I must start small and work my way. 

Some questions, I have asked myself

• Am I willing to give up friends, tv?
• How will I cope with being tired?
• Is it worth, actively pursuing a side business and sacrificing time with my daughter?
• Can I do this?

In times of doubt, I am going to remember that everything I do is for the 6lb 6oz baby I gave birth to. I want her to have the stability and life that I did not have. That will remain my motivation when I get tired. I can't wait to reveal more as time goes by.