Fixing others

One of the ongoing lessons for me in 2013 is that you cannot fix others and things around you. I like to fix things, provide advice and push people but that isn't always effective. I am in a helping profession that often requires me to do such things and sometimes I carry that over to my personal life.

Perhaps the largest, most agonizing battle I have fought all year. You see I want to fix a particular situation and I have even thought:

• If I lay down the foundation
• If I take away some of the hard work
• If I follow up
• If I spend 30 -40 minutes finding the solution

that maybe I can fix it.

Well, when I do all that I only frustrate both parties. I am also the type that when my solutions don't fix a problem, I walk away. I know that walking away is wrong but sometimes its to avoid saying things that should not be said.

I understand that this is my problem the need to fix someone or something that is out my control and realm of responsibility. In regards to this someone once told me that you can't drive a coal train with the caboose in front that there has to be a proper order to things. In the case of the train you need an engine, coal car and then the caboose. Any other way is ineffective, so just like the train me trying to push the caboose is just not going to work.

And then, I went to church and listened to a wonderful speaker. It's true we are all messed up people and no one is perfect. And something he said really resonated with me, if I am trying to fix someone it's more about me than them. That is so true, me trying to fix a situation, a person is more about me wanting that person to experience, to do the exact same things as me. From that standpoint it's selfish.

So in 2014, I have resolved not to try to fix this situation. I will avoid giving unwanted advice, shouldering any large part of the "work" and pray.  I think that will make the situation a lot bet.